We can let our ambition run away with us, especially in January when we have a clean calendar stretching out in front of us. We think we have so much time! When we think of everything we want to do, surely 12 months will get us there.

When we crash into the hard reality that life quite often gets in the way of doing all of these things, it makes us want to give up on all of it. If we can’t do these things perfectly, we don’t want to do them at all.

The act of creating guiding principles addresses so many needs of my clients. Guiding principles help us connect to our values, because our values inform our guiding principles. They give us a layer of security when we want to waffle in indecision, overthinking, people pleasing, or perfectionism. Once we catch ourselves lacking a sense of peace about a decision, it’s time to revisit the guiding principles. Then, the decision becomes clear and so do any boundaries that may need to accompany the decision. It may still be hard to walk it forward, but you can feel solid and authentic in knowing why you are doing (or not doing) something.

First of all, yes, “decision fatigue” is a real thing. It happens when your brain is just tuckered out from having to make so many decisions. They don’t even need to be hard decisions. Just relentless, repetitive, and constantly tasking. Add hard decisions or anxiety-producing situations into the mix and your decision muscle is a gooey-mess.

Selecting gifts creates a sense of anxious urgency that is more pressing for women who struggle with people-pleasing and perfectionism. This is because, quite simply, we attach meaning about ourselves to the act of giving gifts. The gift is more than a way to bless someone; it is also a way to feel good enough, to maintain an image of perfection, proof that you are a thoughtful/classy/organized/giving/good person.

We intertwine our identity so much with what we have deemed “normal” that being asked to consider another perspective feels like we are being dismissed.

Everyone’s “normal” is different, and therein lies the problem. It might be helpful to take a look at how we create our “personal normal” in the first place.

Compassion and understanding show up when we try to expand our polarized mindsets to include some alternate possibilities.

So here I am, figuring that if I am awake at 4:30AM, someone else is, too. Someone needs to know insomnia happens to everyone, even therapists.

It doesn’t have to be habitual, though. In fact if it is habitual, you may be someone who could use some extra help working on what is keeping you awake. And not just from me. I can help with strategies to address emotional distress. Sometimes insomnia accompanies anxiety. Or PTSD. Or grief. But sometimes the cause is medical in nature. Often if we have physical symptoms, our emotional experience can exacerbate them and vice versa, which creates a cycle that maintains itself. It is important to work on the physical symptoms and address things diagnoses and medications in tandem with practical solutions like reducing caffeine and alcohol use, increasing exercise (but not too close to bedtime), and implementing good sleep hygiene routines like cutting out screentime before bed, a cup of tea, a warm relaxing bath.

The extra events and to-do list items can be tough for anyone. Those who have challenging family dynamics, grief, and/or an adjustment to some kind of new “normal” can find the holidays to be extra difficult. Anxiety ramps up, and the holidays offer a smorgasbord of unhealthy coping strategies: obligations to shop and advertising that talks you into spending more, freely-flowing alcohol and high sugar/high fat foods, endless events that can keep you from slowing down to feel your feelings, and that false reassurance that if you do enough you can make Christmas magical for everyone around you.

Just like a diamond, our experiences are made up of different facets. Often, when they are negative, they look like a jumbled mess. We need to consider each facet to make sense of what we are experiencing. Then we can figure out what we can do about it – or if we want to do anything at all about it. Sometimes just separating the thoughts from the feelings from the facts, etc. helps shrink the issue down to a more manageable size

The hard truth is that there are many things in life that we just cannot control. And yet, that doesn’t stop us from trying. We often don’t realize that we are trying to control as much as we are. Subsequently, we don’t recognize that we beat ourselves up for failing to control something that wasn’t ours to control in the first place.

Our thoughts during times of big emotions turn into future catastrophizing. We anticipate all kinds of terrible future outcomes and react as if they are all happening right now. We become emotionally flooded and the rational part of our brain checks out temporarily. We are in survival mode. Bringing ourselves back to the present time reminds us that we are safe. Right here, right now, nothing terrible is happening.

When life hits you with overwhelming circumstances, sometimes you just do not know where to start. It’s all so incredibly overwhelming, especially when you feel like you are fighting multiple battles at once. Maybe there are many different directions you could take to deal with your circumstances (which feels overwhelming). Maybe it seems like there are none. But there is always at least one “next thing.”

Jennie Sheffe describes 10 ways journaling can help bring relief for anxious thoughts and feelings and highlights some common obstacles to giving journaling a try.

People who are aware of their emotions, those who get allllllll the big feels are often shamed for being emotional.

Emotions are signs that there is something going on inside that needs our attention.

Christian women can feel painfully alone in our struggles. We assume that if we are not happy, put-together, optimistic, we must lack faith. If we share this struggle, then everyone will know we are not trusting God the way we are supposed to.

Somewhere along the way, these thoughts took form and our brains practiced them until they became beliefs. Our brains believed these lies, and then looked for evidence that they are true. We expect them to be true, and it all happens automatically. Intentional thought morphs into a backdrop of negative messages. We develop a filter through which we look at life; this filter shows us that we are not enough.

These negative thoughts do not feel optional.

We can be overwhelmed by those "Murphy's Law" kind-of days, where everything that can go wrong, does. But when we have multiple stressors that are deeper than daily events going wrong, we can feel long-term overwhelm.

Just like a diamond is one thing with many facets, when we experience emotional distress and indecision there are many sides to it. The FACETS approach can help women find relief from the anxiety of overthinking.

“Oh, I am just a perfectionist!” We toss that label around as if it is no big deal. This is an acceptable label, often used in an attempt to be self-deprecating yet still make ourselves look good.

However, perfectionism can actually be a big deal.

When our own opinion matters, it is easier to be clear on where we want to spend our time, money, and emotional energy.